202602071637: Work Stress, Lack of Sleep, Unseen Labor

Updates on last months blog. Most of the Ivar shelf is put up. I called Ikea's customer service team about the broken pieces. They ended up sending a whole new side panel. It only took about a week to come. It's been here for several weeks. Sitting in its box against a wall. The dining room is more usable now and the kitchen is accessible again though.

The roofers came and went in the most underwhelming attempt to fix the roof. I don't blame the roofers. I do blame the apartment complex's lack of care. They did show me the work they did on the top of the roof and it was extensive. When it came to my ceiling, they just repopcorned it. They didn't replace the drywall. When I asked about mold, I was told it's not a problem because we live in a desert and mold is only an issue when it continues to rain. This was after they pointed out damage from a previous leak in the same spot that occurred when a prior tenant was living here. That leak was even larger. My partner and I thought it was paint damage from a smoker this whole time. It makes no sense not to be concerned about mold, but I don't have the energy or time to argue with anyone over it. We'll keep an eye on it for now. We're saving for a house and I don't want to tank our chances with moving costs.

On to the new stuff. Since my last post, I've been working 50-60 hour work weeks. It's supposed to be slowing down, but we've been swamped for the last 6+ months and we're still trying to catch up. I'm the only person in my department and my inability to let sleeping dogs lie made me create more efficient systems and techniques to help us. Unfortunately, no one wants to learn how to do them, so I'm the only one who's able. They have no concept of what it takes for me to keep up this level of productivity. It's allowed the company to take on a crazy number of new clients at one time, but the data I've been given has been messier and the team that's supposed to do the post clean up has not been doing the basic checks. So, amazing numbers, but I'm worried about retention. The influx of clients has also made it harder for other departments to keep track of documentation, new implementations, and regular upkeep. Our bandwidth as a company needs to increase. I should just leave it because, at the end of the day, the company as a whole is not my responsibility. I'm just a cog in the machine, but I'm a tired cog. My edges are worn and I keep slipping. Everyone is exhausted and it feels like no one is listening to each other. We keep hoping for a reprieve, but we've been hoping for 2 years now. We can't keep on like this. Everyone will give up and quit.

I'm working on an idea. Our systems are old and analogue. We went from a small company to a big one in such a short time span that we never figured out how to scale our systems. I'm thinking a model driven Microsoft Power App might be the way to go. The goal is to disemminate information as it comes in to the correct contacts while cutting down on emails and meetings. I want it to prompt users for the data based on the information they already put in and to tell users exactly what tasks to preform and how to preform them based on that specific client's configuration. Microsoft does not make it easy for someone to because a developer on the Power Platform without a work or school Microsoft account. I don't feel like I can work on this during work hours because it's a risk. There's no guaranteed payoff. It could not work. It could work great and then no one uses it. It could work great and then someone in upper management or corporate vetos it for one reason or another. I just can't justify spending business hours on it. If I can get it to work though, I think it could be amazing. It think we could expand it to cover all business processes. Figures crossed cause I'm dying. I want the base set up done by end of the 1st quarter. If it gets approval for a business level expansion, I want that done within a year.

Because of the long work hours, food has been come an afterthought. I've started doing larger batch means and putting them in supercubes for storage. It has both helped and hurt. I always get grand ideas for meals I want to make when I'm trying new things and it happened to me again. Food waste is a huge part of our grocery budget. I'm trying to cut it down, but it's hard to make time for cooking when I barely have time for breathing or sleeping. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and clean out the fridge and start over. I might have to be a shop for a single day or two person for awhile. It takes it's own time, but I feel like there's no easy solution to this right now. My partner chips in, of course, but they work nights. They can only contribute so much to the food prep during this time.

I've been having trouble sticking to a sleep schedule. Sleeping meds, melatonin, and bedtime routines don't seem to work for me. My brain just keeps spinning, probably because of the ADHD. A couple months back, my doc put me on a blood pressure med on a low dose as a last ditch effort. It worked, but when the end of the year rush started, it didn't make a big enough dent. They upped the dose one unit and it helps a ton. I don't know how I feel about the concept yet. Blood pressure meds for sleep feels so weird, but who am I to complain when the alternative is delirium caused by lack of sleep. I do have to remember to take it though. If I work too late, I tend to forget. I forgot one day last week and ended up awake all night. I felt fine for the most part, just a little tired. I worked my full shift and then crawled into bed right after work around 4:00 or 4:30 pm. I thought I was just going to take a nap and I'd wake up when my partner wakes to get ready for their day. I woke up at 5ish. I thought it was 5:00 pm. Then my automatic light bulb kicked on. It's scheduled to turn on and increase it's brightness in the morning as a wake up. It was 5:00 am. I had slept well over 12 hours. It sucked. I felt like I didn't get the time to de-stress my brain. I fell asleep thinking about work, work to thinking about work, and then had to start work in less than 2 hours. I got through the day just fine. I hopped off at a decent time and then started playing a video game. An hour or so after that, I started vomitting. Why? Because I forgot to eat or drink anything in over 24 hours. Somthing has to give on the work front or I'm going to be the thing that ends up giving. I refuse to allow that.

I'm caught up enough at work that no one should be too devastated so I'm not going in this weekend. I'm working on this site, finishing the Ivar shelf, laundry, the Microsoft app, and planning a picnic. I'm excited for the picnic. We're going to take the dog and cat with us to the park. I'll probably try to finish up the book I'm listening to. I'll also play some more of the video game I'm into right now. It's called the Blue Prince. Fabulous game! Every time I feel like I'm ready to wrap it up, it drops more lore on me. I'm in love.

202601101757: The Ikea Ivar haters were right.

I started putting together the Ivar side panels today. Each panel has 2 vertical bars with 5 horizontal bars that connect them. Then there are pegs that go through both bars to lock them in place. It kind of looks like a ladder when you're done.

I broke 3 horizontal bars. Each one on a different side panel. The bars aren't really removable once you have them together, so I couldn't rearrange the unbroken parts to try to complete one of the broken panels. I'm also going to have to drill out some of the broken wood to try again.

I'm going to call Ikea support to ask if they can send some replacements. I checked the website to buy the individual pieces and there wasn't a separate part number like there usually is. The screws, the dowls, and washers literally all had separate part numbers which implies they could be purchased individually. All of the pieces except the one I need.

In the mean time, I'm going to finish as many shelves as I can. The apartment complex called to tell me the roofer is going to come work on the ceiling on Monday. I've got to get the house in order enough to make it easy to move things around if they need and enough that there's enough room for the pets to hang with me in the bedroom while the workers are here.

The kitchen is still filled with the dining room items while I build the shelves. We went to my partner's favorite breakfast joint. They were a huge fan of Waffle House, but there are none where we live now. Side note: if you haven't heard of the Waffle House index, look it up. It's hilarious.

We made a pitstop at Barnes and Nobel. My bestie sent me a gift card for Christmas. I got a German workbook and a book about useless language lexicon things. Think how ampersands came to be, histoy of pig latin, etc. My partner found a book of Biden quotes and, let me tell you, some of them are fucking hilarious. They all have a source listed to tell you where the compiler found them.

Tomorrow's goals are to finish the shelves, get the dining room stuff out fo the kitchen so it's usable again, put away the clean laundry that's hogging all of my bedroom space, toss half the couch, and make sure I have some idea what we're making for food this week. The couch was a large 'L' shaped thing my partner got it a couple years ago from a colleague who was moving. It's too big for the space and has a damaged section. Plus, I'm allergic to the pets and they have fully claimed the couch as their own. I use a camping chair when I want to hang in the living room. The plan is to give the animals their own hang out pads and get a new, smaller couch. We're going to toss the half with the damage to give us a little room until we get a replacement. Bye for now.

202601092024: I have no idea what I'm doing.

I don't know what I'm doing with this website really. I've been working on building the bones for the past month and I keep wanting to give up. It's such a superfluous use of time. I was so freaking motivated when I started. The world feeling like it's falling apart and me feeling like I can make a little difference with this goofy little site. I keep coming back despite the slipping resolve. Maybe it's my stubborness or maybe it's that little internal spark that just won't quit, but if nothing else, I'm going to finish setting up this site.

When I'm not working on this site or working my ass off at a job that doesn't value me, I'm learning German. I'm planning a trip to see family in Germany this year and I want to be able to understand a little of what's going on around me. I have about 6 months to learn what I can. I bought a lifetime subscription to Babbel years ago on impluse and I'm finally putting it to use. I'm also using Short Stories in German for Beginners by Olly Richards. Well... going to use. I've started the Babbel lessons, but the book felt a little overwhelming.

I'm also trying to get the flight stuff figured out. Passports, Global Pass, accommodations, and the like. I haven't travelled internationally as an adult and it's so stressful. You're completely responsible if you screw up something. My partner is coming with me and I'm the travelling guru out of the two of us, so there's two people who will suffer if it goes wrong.

I'm also trying to reorganize our house. Nobody tells you how to combine households with another human. You both have too many things because furnishing a house for one person requires so much. Furnishing a house for two people is nowhere close to double. Like, you only need one couch, chair, microwave, kitchen table, etc. between the both of you. Not to mention the junk you collect from all the hobbies. I just got several Ivar Ikea shelves, including the corner shelf they just brought back. I scheduled tomorrow to put those together. I tried to start putting together the side panels and it's a bitch. Apparently, Ikea used to sell the side panels already assembled and recently started selling them disassembled. The complaints are high. I think the rating is at, like, 2.6 stars out of 5. I have to agree with the crowd. I'm going to have to lug down the pieces to the bottom floor of my apartment complex so I can bang it together on concrete. I know I'll be happy when it's put together though.

I got a set of Souper Cubes this week. I'm collecting good freezable recipes to add to my collection. Cooking for a small family has never been easy. I'm hoping we can expand our options by using the cubes. I did try to de-influence myself before buying. I sat on it for awhile, too. Honestly, I think they might be a good investment. Besides the easy portion sizing, the space saving is what sold me. I saw a woman put 3 cups of soup in a 1 quart bag and it was still stackable. I'm terribly impulsive, but my stress about overspending keeps me in check. I do a ton of research before committing. I think it'll work out.

Next week roofers are coming to work on our ceiling. We live in a desert, but got a crazy freak storm over Christmas and New Years. The leaking started on Christmas Eve. The apartment complex has been sucking at the communication, but I can tell they're at least working on it on the back end. Roofers have been on the roof for the last week and someone came by to look at the damage earlier today. There's talk of crawling into attic crawl spaces and repainting. I want to have the house mostly in order before they start doing that, so it's imperative I have the shelves completed this weekend.

Maybe it was the word vomit or maybe it's because it's late at night, but I feel oddly inspired again. Tomorrow brings another day filled with impossible things that I will accomplish. Tschüss!